| Author | Message | ||
| davehouck
Moderator Username: davehouck Post Number: 7867 Registered: 5-2002 |
I haven't done this in a while, but since it was asked in another thread, I thought I would see where we are. I did my analysis last night, so it’s already a bit dated. In fact I know of one regular user who posted number 50 last night after I had already run my numbers. First, before I get to my numbers, Mica, who goes through and purges some of the non-human “registrations” from time to time, tells me that “the tally of likely real human registered users is about 4,000”. She also believes that “there's many more non-registered readers than registered users”. So with that addition, here’s what I came up with last night. We get a lot of "registrations" that aren't really registrations, so the number of registered users isn't a useful number. If I'm calculating this right, the number of users that have posted a least once is 2,043. Of course that includes a lot of people who only posted once, or only a few times to one thread, etc. The number of users that have posted at least ten times is 755. At this point I start seeing names of some folks who've recently joined. The number of users that have posted at least 25 times is 449. At this point I'm seeing some folks whose names are familiar both recently and in the past. The number of users that have posted at least 50 times is 309. At this point the names are all familiar; so these are folks who have contributed regularly. The number of users that have posted at least 1,000 times is 23, including our Brother Paul who is number four all time. The number of users that have posted in the last 24 hours is 32, including 2 who posted for the first time, and 16 who have 500 or more posts. The number of users that have posted in the last 7 days is 102. The number of users that have posted in the last month is 233. The number of users that have posted since the beginning of the year is 399. The number of users that have posted in the last year is 675. There are of course a large number of people who read regularly but don't post or post only occasionally. Finally, the number of users who have posted at least 50 times and have posted in the last two months is 167. | ||
| rraymond
Advanced Member Username: rraymond Post Number: 348 Registered: 6-2002 |
Makes me want to post! How about a joke? A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, get out of here, we don't serve mushrooms in this bar!" To which the mushroom replies, "Why not, I'm a fungi." | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 56 Registered: 11-2008 |
Indeed, reading this only made me want to post! And I'll go with Reid... What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall? "Damn!" Greg | ||
| bsee
Senior Member Username: bsee Post Number: 2271 Registered: 3-2004 |
Okay, Reid... A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, get out of here, we don't serve ropes in this bar!" The rope goes out dejected, then comes up with an idea. He pops into the alley next to the bar, pulls out a comb and straightens out a foot or so of himself then ties that section into a quick bow. The rope walks back into the bar a second time. The bartender looks up again and says, "Hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out of here a few minutes ago?!" To which the rope replies, "No, sir, I'm a frayed knot." Reid, don't make me dig in the back corner of my brain for the *really* bad ones... | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2236 Registered: 2-2006 |
Did you get over-time wages for the research Dave?  I found it ironic, to me anyway, that the number of poster of 1000 posts or more is 23. The ironic part is I just finished trying to watch the movie "23" with Jim Carrey. Couldn't get into the movie and thought I'd see what was going on here and WHOA....that number 23 just keeps showing up. OO | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2237 Registered: 2-2006 |
OH MY! Check out the middle 2 numbers in the "Post Number" of my last post, I just can't escape it! | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2238 Registered: 2-2006 |
XXIII (Message edited by olieoliver on April 11, 2009) | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2239 Registered: 2-2006 |
I have one BOB, A horse walks into a bar and the bartender say, "Why such a LONG face"? OO GEEZZ, there's that 23 again. | ||
| cozmik_cowboy
Senior Member Username: cozmik_cowboy Post Number: 444 Registered: 10-2006 |
Two drummers walk into a bar - you'd think the second one would've ducked. Peter | ||
| rraymond
Advanced Member Username: rraymond Post Number: 349 Registered: 6-2002 |
A skeleton walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Give me a cold beer and a mop." | ||
| rraymond
Advanced Member Username: rraymond Post Number: 350 Registered: 6-2002 |
Um, has anyone noticed that the time is off on the server? It's kind of cool though to upload jokes into the future! Future-humor. | ||
| davehouck
Moderator Username: davehouck Post Number: 7872 Registered: 5-2002 |
Thanks Reid. The server had a problem with the new Daylight Savings Time change, but this is a little different. | ||
| davehouck
Moderator Username: davehouck Post Number: 7873 Registered: 5-2002 |
It's off by an hour; is that what you are seeing? If so, then it's still the daylight savings time issue. We fixed it the first time, when it didn't change on the new day; and we haven't fixed it the second time yet for when it did change on the old date. Steve Miller wrote a song about this very thing. (Message edited by davehouck on April 11, 2009) | ||
| pauldo
Intermediate Member Username: pauldo Post Number: 113 Registered: 6-2006 |
Ok - not a bar joke but still one of the funniest jokes I ever told. :-| Two muffins are in the oven; one muffin turns to the other and says, "Geez it's getting hot in here." The other muffin says,"Holy Crap! A talking muffin!" | ||
| rraymond
Advanced Member Username: rraymond Post Number: 351 Registered: 6-2002 |
Yes sir, the server time is an hour ahead. We had a couple of machines where I work that had to be man-handled to accept the new DST. Ol' Steve was ahead of his time, if you'll pardon the pun. Some good jokes are being posted thanks to the postings survey. Thanks to all! | ||
| 57basstra
Senior Member Username: 57basstra Post Number: 826 Registered: 4-2005 |
Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!" | ||
| bsee
Senior Member Username: bsee Post Number: 2272 Registered: 3-2004 |
A drunk walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, get out of here, we can't serve you if you're already that drunk!" A minute later, the drunk walks back into the bar. The bartender looks up, again, and says, "I told you, get out of my bar, I can't serve you if you're already hammered!" A minute later, the drunk again walks back into the bar. The frustrated bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and asks, "How many bars do you own, anyway?" | ||
| 57basstra
Senior Member Username: 57basstra Post Number: 827 Registered: 4-2005 |
Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list. | ||
| bsee
Senior Member Username: bsee Post Number: 2273 Registered: 3-2004 |
As far as the server time goes, maybe it is on vacation in Denver? Servers need a break now and then as well. | ||
| cozmik_cowboy
Senior Member Username: cozmik_cowboy Post Number: 445 Registered: 10-2006 |
Maybe it got a gig; every server I've ever met is "really" an actor or musician. Peter | ||
| bsee
Senior Member Username: bsee Post Number: 2274 Registered: 3-2004 |
A man walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me a dozen shots of your best Scotch, straight up." The bartender sets up the the glasses and starts pouring them out and the man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them. The bartender is surprised and starts a conversation as the man downs his eighth shot. He asks, "Why are you drinking them down so fast?" "If you had what I have, you'd be drinking fast, too." As the man tosses back the last shot, the concerned bartender asks, "So, what do you have?" "About a buck and a quarter." | ||
| 57basstra
Senior Member Username: 57basstra Post Number: 829 Registered: 4-2005 |
Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was. | ||
| jbybj
Intermediate Member Username: jbybj Post Number: 197 Registered: 6-2006 |
A woman goes to her green grocer and asks for a pound of broccoli. He says I'm sorry, we're out of broccoli, how about some spinach? O.K. she says, I'll have a pound of broccoli. I'm sorry ma'am, but we are out of broccoli, how about some squash? O.K. she says, I'll have a pound of broccoli. I told you, we are out of broccoli, how about some beets? O.K. she says, I'll have a pound of broccoli. Frustrated the grocer asks, can you spell "dog", as in "dogma"? d.o.g. says the woman. And can you spell "cat" as in "catnip"? c.a.t. says the woman. And then the grocer asks, can you spell "f**k" as in broccoli? What? she says, there's no "f**k" in broccoli! Thats what I've bee trying to tell you!!!!! | ||
| 57basstra
Senior Member Username: 57basstra Post Number: 831 Registered: 4-2005 |
Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified. Some years back some musician ‘acquaintances’ had asked me to sit in with their Bluegrass band on my upright since their bass player was under the weather. We were playing a rather large benefit show where I knew a goodly number of those in attendance. I told this one. The audience loved it. I have not been asked back to play with that combo. (not just because I told this one, but because I also had my bass outfitted with a pickup and I was playing through a small amp.) | ||
| precarius
Advanced Member Username: precarius Post Number: 279 Registered: 11-2005 |
How do you get a drummer off your front porch? You pay him for the pizza! | ||
| goop
Junior Username: goop Post Number: 42 Registered: 7-2008 |
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny. | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 3686 Registered: 7-2004 |
Q: How many New Jersey State Troopers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: "I'll ask the questions around here!" Q: How many Jewish mothers dos it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None - "Don't worry, I'll sit in the dark!" Q: How many people from Marin County does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: They don't, they screw in hot tubs! The tribe of cannibals had just cooked up the local missionary. They formed a line and as the first cannibal approached, the cook asked "what do you want?" The cannibal replied "give me a thigh". The cook placed a thigh on the cannibal's plate and said "here's your thigh, go over there and get a beer with it". The next cannibal came up and asked for an arm. The cook placed it on the cannibal's plate and said "here's your arm, go over there and get a beer with it". The third cannibal approached and said "just give me any thing." The cook placed a piece of missionary on his plate and said "here's your thing, go over there and get a coke with it". The third cannibal questioned "how come the other guys got a beer and I get a coke?" The cook replied "because things go better with coca cola!" Bill, tgo | ||
| hifiguy
Intermediate Member Username: hifiguy Post Number: 170 Registered: 10-2006 |
How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and three to stand around bitching about how that isn't the way that Jaco would have done it. | ||
| richbass939
Senior Member Username: richbass939 Post Number: 1045 Registered: 11-2004 |
A little local humor. Q: How many people from NW Colorado does it take to eat a jackrabbit? A: Three. One to eat the jackrabbit and two to watch for cars. P.S. Peter-Cozmik Cowboy, your post was flippin' hilarious. Rich | ||
| mario_farufyno
Member Username: mario_farufyno Post Number: 84 Registered: 9-2008 |
What is the difference between a Bassist and a Pizza? A Pizza can feed entire family... | ||
| mario_farufyno
Member Username: mario_farufyno Post Number: 85 Registered: 9-2008 |
How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb? I, V, I, V... | ||
| mario_farufyno
Member Username: mario_farufyno Post Number: 86 Registered: 9-2008 |
Deep in Jungle, black africa XIXth century, the british explorator is worried about the unkown that lies ahead when misterious drums start to sound apparently caming from nowhere. - "What is that?" - "Calm down, Buana. This is just the dreadfull head hunters announcing our presence..." So the trip went on deeper and deeper, disturbed just by the drums growing louder and louder (and the white guy getting even more frightened as the days went by). After a week he was getting mad: - "Isn't it dangerous? The drums seems closer each minute!" - "Calm down, Buana! Keep quiet and don't complain about the Drum Solo..." - "WHY? WHY?" - "Because, if drums stops, the Bass will solo then!" | ||
| malthumb
Senior Member Username: malthumb Post Number: 455 Registered: 5-2002 |
A bear and a rabbit were both taking a crap in the woods. The bear turned to the rabbit and says, "You ever have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?" Rabbit says "Nope. Never had that problem." So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit. | ||
| malthumb
Senior Member Username: malthumb Post Number: 456 Registered: 5-2002 |
Hear the one about the drummer that locked his keys in his car? Took him an hour and a half to get his family out. | ||
| altgrendel
Member Username: altgrendel Post Number: 61 Registered: 5-2008 |
How many Zen Buddhist does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw in the light bulb. and one to not screw in the light bulb. | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2241 Registered: 2-2006 |
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. As the bar tender is filling the mug the man ask the bar tender, “You know how many bass players it takes to change a light bulb?” To which the bar tender (who stands about 6’4” and weighs about 220 lbs) replies, before you tell that joke you need to know I’m, a bass player. And you see those 2 guys over there, pointing to huge men bigger than the bartender, they both play bass also. Now do you still want to tell that joke? To which the man responds, “NO”. The bartender says, “I thought not” The man says, if I’m going to have to explain it three times it’s not worth the hassle. OO | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 3690 Registered: 7-2004 |
How many luthiers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but you have to wait six months. Bil, tgo | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2242 Registered: 2-2006 |
SIX MONTHS?!............ Must be a rush order. OO | ||
| paulman
Advanced Member Username: paulman Post Number: 361 Registered: 2-2005 |
How do you get a bass player to slow down and play quietly? Put sheet music in front of him! How do you get a bass player to completely stop playing? Put notes on the sheet music! What does it mean when drool is coming out of both side of the drummers mouth? The stage is level! Why are most musician jokes one liners? So guitar players can understand them! I play guitar...oh is it medication time already? | ||
| s_wood
Advanced Member Username: s_wood Post Number: 295 Registered: 5-2002 |
I wonder how many Alembics are owned by we club members as a group? | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2243 Registered: 2-2006 |
Good question. I can account for 5. OO | ||
| 57basstra
Senior Member Username: 57basstra Post Number: 839 Registered: 4-2005 |
Four here | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 3691 Registered: 7-2004 |
My wife would answer "Too many!" Bill, tgo | ||
| dannobasso
Senior Member Username: dannobasso Post Number: 1020 Registered: 3-2004 |
Soon to be 12. But what's in a number? | ||
| malthumb
Senior Member Username: malthumb Post Number: 457 Registered: 5-2002 |
We did this once in a thread a few years ago. I can't remember what we came up with, so I guess it's worth doing again. Add my two in there. | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 58 Registered: 11-2008 |
Unfortunately, only one today... Hopefully that number will change soon!!! Greg | ||
| frank
Member Username: frank Post Number: 78 Registered: 12-2005 |
Q. Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? (Message edited by frank on April 13, 2009) | ||
| frank
Member Username: frank Post Number: 79 Registered: 12-2005 |
A. Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2250 Registered: 2-2006 |
;( (Message edited by olieoliver on April 14, 2009) | ||
| jedisan
Member Username: jedisan Post Number: 66 Registered: 3-2008 |
Five basses for me. Olie, your joke about the bass players in the bar made me laugh the most. Wish I could post a joke up here, it's just this hard drive in my head got too full, and when I did the re-format, all the jokes I had were lost. Jeez, I hate it when that happens. | ||
| beatlejuice
Junior Username: beatlejuice Post Number: 24 Registered: 3-2003 |
Two Spoilers for me. | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2256 Registered: 2-2006 |
 (Message edited by olieoliver on April 14, 2009) | ||
| californiaman
Junior Username: californiaman Post Number: 13 Registered: 6-2008 |
Como Estan Friholes? How you been? It's been a while since I posted. I have a 5-string Spoiler ('88 I think) with a quilted maple top. It clearly is a work of beauty. Craftsmanship like no other bass I've played. While I'll admit I've been playing guitar a whole lot more than my bass, my spoiler does get taken out of it's case and played at least once or twice a month. | ||
| jbybj
Advanced Member Username: jbybj Post Number: 203 Registered: 6-2006 |
"Unfortunately, only one today..." I disagree, owning one Alembic makes you very fortunate indeed! | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 61 Registered: 11-2008 |
Well, I agree with you James!! But I wish I could've said 30... Maybe one day, maybe! Greg | ||
| crgaston
Senior Member Username: crgaston Post Number: 530 Registered: 11-2005 |
Just 1 Alembic for me. Did y'all hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? It was kind of an emergency, since it was a really hot day, all the windows were up... ...and the drummer was still inside. | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 81 Registered: 11-2008 |
Dave, one question... Do you have any idea of how many members are under 30y.o.? Am I the youngest one around here??? Greg | ||
| artswork99
Senior Member Username: artswork99 Post Number: 631 Registered: 7-2007 |
I remember pointing a young user (anarchyx) that mentioned his age on this thread to a video lesson on the Yes song Roundabout. | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2264 Registered: 2-2006 |
You beat me to it Art. I recalled someone in their teens but couldn't remember whom. OO I'm a teen at heart, does that count | ||
| artswork99
Senior Member Username: artswork99 Post Number: 632 Registered: 7-2007 |
Counts for me Olie! Feeling is mutual ;) | ||
| davehouck
Moderator Username: davehouck Post Number: 7898 Registered: 5-2002 |
Greg; I have no way of determining that. But as Art and Olie alluded to, there are a few folks here who are in high school, and a few who are in college; so no, you are not the youngest. | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 83 Registered: 11-2008 |
Alright then... Somehow, I feel relieved... But hey, Art and Olie, even tough I've just lost my "teen" credit few years ago, I'm joining your club for Teens at Heart!! Dave, I thought you guys kept track of the ages on the profiles, but I just realized that not everyone shares such info with the rest! But thanks for the help, question answered Greg (Message edited by gregduboc on April 17, 2009) | ||
| artswork99
Senior Member Username: artswork99 Post Number: 638 Registered: 7-2007 |
Welcome Greg ;) | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 87 Registered: 11-2008 |
Thanks for the admission Art!! Greg | ||
| dadabass2001
Senior Member Username: dadabass2001 Post Number: 1088 Registered: 6-2002 |
We also have a member who had just enlisted and was preparing to go to the Middle East within the last two years, IIRC Mike | ||
| artswork99
Senior Member Username: artswork99 Post Number: 639 Registered: 7-2007 |
Pleasure Greg, I guess you should send Olie the dues ;) | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 88 Registered: 11-2008 |
As long as "the dues" isn't my Alembic, I will deal with him! Greg | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2270 Registered: 2-2006 |
Send it on, but I bet Dave will want his cut. Just don't tell Mica. OO Or Susan;) | ||
| artswork99
Senior Member Username: artswork99 Post Number: 640 Registered: 7-2007 |
LOL | ||
| gregduboc
Member Username: gregduboc Post Number: 90 Registered: 11-2008 |
Alright, but don't tell everyone! ;) Greg | ||
| edwin
Senior Member Username: edwin Post Number: 424 Registered: 5-2002 |
Did you hear about the accordion player who locked his accordion and his keys in his car? He came back 20 minutes later with a lock smith, found the window broken and 3 more accordions in his back seat! Try the veal, I'll be here all week! | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 3724 Registered: 7-2004 |
rim shot! | ||
| rraymond
Advanced Member Username: rraymond Post Number: 352 Registered: 6-2002 |
What is a burning oboe good for? Setting fire to a bassoon. | ||
| cozmik_cowboy
Senior Member Username: cozmik_cowboy Post Number: 453 Registered: 10-2006 |
How long does it take tune a hammer dulcimer? Nobody knows. Peter (Message edited by cozmik_Cowboy on April 18, 2009) | ||
| byoung
Senior Member Username: byoung Post Number: 1205 Registered: 12-2004 |
What do you call a guitar player that breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless! | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 3736 Registered: 7-2004 |
What do you call a guy who's tone deaf and likes to hang out with musicians? A drummer! Bill, tgo | ||
| olieoliver
Senior Member Username: olieoliver Post Number: 2284 Registered: 2-2006 |
Bet you don't get a "rimshot" with that one Bill. LOL (Maybe shot in the rim though) OO | ||
| robinc
Intermediate Member Username: robinc Post Number: 145 Registered: 5-2008 |
Q: why are double basses better than just about every other instrument? A: well, two reasons really: 1) they hold more beer; 2) they burn longer! Q: what do you do with a musician who can't play their instrument? A: give 'em a stick, call 'em a conductor. Q: What do you do if they can't conduct? A: Give 'em another stick, call them a drummer! Q: how do you know when there's a drummer at your door? A: the knocking keeps getting faster and faster, louder and louder, and he doesn't know when to come in! | ||
| malthumb
Senior Member Username: malthumb Post Number: 458 Registered: 5-2002 |
Stolen from Eli's Dirty Jokes on YouTube..... There was this farmer that had three daughters. One night they were all three planning on going out on dates. The farmer was a bit concerned that the boys they were going out with might be up to somethin'. He decided he would check them out before allowing his daughters to go on the dates. The first boy knocked on the door and the farmer went to answer the door, shotgun in hand. "Good evening sir! My name is Joe and I'm here to see Flo. We're going to go the show. Is Flo ready to go?" The farmer was impressed. Joe and Flo went on their way. A few minutes later, there was another knock on the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. "Good evening sir! My name is Eddie and I'm here to see Betty. We're going out for dinner. I'm thinking spaghetti. Is Betty ready?" Again, the farmer was impressed. Eddie and Betty went out on their date. Then there was another knock on the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. Good Evening, sir! My name is Chuck.... BOOM! The farmer shot him! |
