| Author | Message | ||
| flaxattack
Senior Member Username: flaxattack Post Number: 1635 Registered: 4-2004 |
In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old... definitely pre-C.B.S. And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (until alembic.) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass. And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his handiwork. Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it was funky. And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good. And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens. And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased. And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!" Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to dance, but that's another story.) And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts." And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled, and rolled. Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man. And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of." "And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer." "You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass." "And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night." "And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go to the bar for a drink." Yea, and it was so. | ||
| alembic_doctor
Advanced Member Username: alembic_doctor Post Number: 324 Registered: 8-2002 |
This story will never get old. | ||
| keavin
Senior Member Username: keavin Post Number: 1274 Registered: 12-2002 |
And it is so,,,,,'alembic' is the light! | ||
| 2400wattman
Senior Member Username: 2400wattman Post Number: 444 Registered: 11-2005 |
This is so much more eloquent than the tired "I gotta eat and pay my bills man!". | ||
| bkbass
Intermediate Member Username: bkbass Post Number: 144 Registered: 11-2003 |
But the Lord was not without a sense of humor for he created Peavey.LOL!!! | ||
| the_8_string_king
Senior Member Username: the_8_string_king Post Number: 706 Registered: 9-2005 |
So... you're telling me it WASN'T the Bass Fairy or the Basster Bunny? That I've been wrong all these years? Is that what you're saying? There IS a Bass Fairy... There IS a Bass Fairy... There IS a Bass Fairy... There IS a Bass Fairy... There IS a Bass Fairy... | ||
| terryc
Advanced Member Username: terryc Post Number: 247 Registered: 11-2004 |
Someone told me lucifer created the bass that is we are all so baad!! | ||
| dtrice
Member Username: dtrice Post Number: 68 Registered: 10-2006 |
No, I think the devil invented the Baritone guitar, the sub-octave pedals for guitars, and the keyboardist's left hand. All there to torture us. | ||
| the_8_string_king
Senior Member Username: the_8_string_king Post Number: 722 Registered: 9-2005 |
Bass L Bubb. B Yase L Bub. | ||
| anarchyx
New Username: anarchyx Post Number: 4 Registered: 10-2007 |
for the creator of this story, I have only two fateful words for u: acid trip lol just kidding but seriously what was up with that story? that was weird. | ||
| the_8_string_king
Senior Member Username: the_8_string_king Post Number: 862 Registered: 9-2005 |
Indeed. | ||
| elwoodblue
Intermediate Member Username: elwoodblue Post Number: 173 Registered: 6-2002 |
words: This Creator,for the fateful story I have only two trip for just u. what was that? but that was seriously weird. Kid acid-ding (only in the miscellany...)  things keep getting stranger. | ||
| adriaan
Senior Member Username: adriaan Post Number: 1630 Registered: 6-2002 |
All equiped with antacid. Fibbing and grossing. Curiouser and curiouser, cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English). (Message edited by adriaan on October 07, 2007) | ||
| harald_rost
Intermediate Member Username: harald_rost Post Number: 143 Registered: 6-2002 |
It's better to quote things when getting from others. The story is from Tony Levin's Book "Beyond the Bass Clef". This should be mentioned here. Harald | ||
| anarchyx
Junior Username: anarchyx Post Number: 11 Registered: 10-2007 |
elwoodblue's right. only in the miscellaneous section it occurs that things keep getting stranger. u guys are seriously freakin me out | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 2647 Registered: 7-2004 |
The brown antacid is bad. The answer is "42"! Bill, tgo | ||
| anarchyx
Junior Username: anarchyx Post Number: 15 Registered: 10-2007 |
???????????????????? | ||
| adriaan
Senior Member Username: adriaan Post Number: 1634 Registered: 6-2002 |
To pick up where Bill, tgo left off - always remember to carry a towel. | ||
| anarchyx
Junior Username: anarchyx Post Number: 23 Registered: 10-2007 |
O.............K.......... | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 2649 Registered: 7-2004 |
wanna get high? | ||
| adriaan
Senior Member Username: adriaan Post Number: 1635 Registered: 6-2002 |
Bill, you should know better than to lead an impressionable youth into the realms of whatever it is. | ||
| anarchyx
Junior Username: anarchyx Post Number: 25 Registered: 10-2007 |
I'm not really impressionable. There's no way I'm doing drugs, Bill. | ||
| adriaan
Senior Member Username: adriaan Post Number: 1637 Registered: 6-2002 |
You probably drink coffee, tea, energy drink ...? Things are not always what they seem. And we are trying to spook you out, of course - that's on the house. | ||
| elwoodblue
Intermediate Member Username: elwoodblue Post Number: 174 Registered: 6-2002 |
best thread ever...thanks for the smiles ...do I have more emoticons at post 200? {on a heavier note...anyone dealt with chiggers?(harvest mites)}...makes ya realize how much you love music when you have to practice in a space while dealing with these things...whew I swear the last Doctor Who episodes are inspired by this age old pest ; in "Blink", the creatures don't attack if they are watched...well you'l just have to watch. .though blink wisely. http://www.angelfire.com/hi/littleprince/introduction.html cheers | ||
| lbpesq
Senior Member Username: lbpesq Post Number: 2650 Registered: 7-2004 |
'Twasn't me. Towelie used my computer. Bill, tgo | ||
| tbrannon
Senior Member Username: tbrannon Post Number: 550 Registered: 11-2004 |
Elwood- Chigger bites suck. Way worse than flea or mosquito bites. seems like they hang around and itch for weeks. | ||
| elwoodblue
Intermediate Member Username: elwoodblue Post Number: 176 Registered: 6-2002 |
yup...it'll be heaven when I uninfest my place. They are so uncommon here in the NW noone has a good cure...the bites and permeation of my living space has turned my life upside down. The Baobabs are now trimmed(all the ivy and grass etc. around the house), and I have tried all the remedies known the the internet from pyrethrins to pine sol to sulphur and neem-oil. ....I'm moving. you would think there is a different solution. I've deduced the new construction adjacent to my property stirred up pockets of hibernating mites and seeded my ivy and grass ready to thrive in the spring and summer...since I have never had dealt with these guys before(The saleman at REI thought I was going into the Deepwoods with what I was buying)...my overgrown vegetation was allowed to be... a big mistake. ...meanwhile I look like a jockey with long white sleeved shirt and jeans tucked in to mu boots. I'm lookin forward to posting a happyhappy post with a song . you know the worst is that noone believes me and I've realized who takes my words seriously...unfortantely my doctor isn't one...time to find another. onward and upward | ||
| elwoodblue
Intermediate Member Username: elwoodblue Post Number: 182 Registered: 6-2002 |
I know so much abut these things and not one person in the NW here knows about these buggers...my doc just gave me some pill to make me sleep...won't go back there. I have moved.At least moving guitars, basses, cabs, racks, and gear,(not to mention hammond and 2 rhodes) is good excersize. I feel lucky my self evac wasn't due to anything faster moving disaster. ...now for the real reason for adding to the thread as I rarely forget an unanswered question; Do i get more smily face options at post 200? thanks and smiles from the deep woods(where I went to escape the chiggers in the city, go figure) | ||
| anarchyx
Junior Username: anarchyx Post Number: 46 Registered: 10-2007 |
hmmm, it's been awhile since anyone's talked on this thread. Coffee and energy drinks, baby, whoo! | ||
| alembic_doctor
Advanced Member Username: alembic_doctor Post Number: 354 Registered: 8-2002 |
Chiggers hate Powdered Sulfur. Actually almost everything does. But, when I lived in TX, we used to explore the woods all the time. You put a little bit of powdered sulfur in your shoes and those buggers won't come within a mile of you. PS. I think the God Created the Bass Story was actually written well before Tonly Levin wrote his book. It was once circulated through the email at Guitar Center when I worked there in the early 90's | ||
| elwoodblue
Intermediate Member Username: elwoodblue Post Number: 183 Registered: 6-2002 |
Thanks doc, I have even begun a MSM addition to my diet, it's a bitch being sweet . ...and somehow I feel the situation put me closer to the center of my path... living for today. Thanks again for the tip, life is so good when you aren't being eaten. |
