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Alembic Club » Miscellaneous » Archive: 2005 » Archive through June 03, 2005 » 2003 Archive » Archive through September 15, 2003 » Bass Player Infractions « Previous Next »

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dean_m
Intermediate Member
Username: dean_m

Post Number: 173
Registered: 7-2002
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 6:25 am:   Edit Post

For those of you that haven't seen this yet!!!

Penalties for Bass Infractions
Playing loudly during warm up $10
Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
Loud cursing after mistake $10
Playing high and fast after mistake $20
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
Asking for "E" tuning note $25
Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
Playing written-out walking line $50
Failure to play written walking line $75
Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
Playing eighth notes $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
Dragging fast tempo $75
Dragging ballad tempo $100
Blacking out during ballad $200
Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
Following drummer's tempo $250
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000
UPRIGHT PLAYER
Showing up before first downbeat $25
Playing audibly $25
Faking changes $25
Slapping $150
Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
Excessive sweating $25
Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
Asking leader for a solo $30
Accepting solo when offered $50
Taking second chorus $100
Playing solo arco $400
Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

ELECTRIC PLAYERS
Checking hair between tunes $15
Experimenting with odd meters $25
Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
Playing with a pick $50
Tuning during ballad $30
Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
Attempting last word on final chord $50
Achieving last word on final chord $100
Long gliss down to final note $200

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
Forgetting strap $10
Changing strings after every set $15
Using electric tuner $15
Setting up mic "just in case" $75
Forgetting to turn amp on $40
Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
Skull decals on bass $150
Bringing fretless bass $500

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
Asking bone player about their day gig $10
Sitting behind drums on break $10
Quoting "Birdland" $25
Practicing scales during break $25
Practicing scales during drum solo $50
Practicing $150
Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are
"into sequencing" $100

BASIC STUPIDITY
Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
Asking when the rock set starts $20
Continually asking "where are we?" $25
Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
Asking bone player where "1" is $50
Taking cell phone call during 4's $100
bigredbass
Intermediate Member
Username: bigredbass

Post Number: 143
Registered: 9-2002
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 12:11 pm:   Edit Post

When you get fined for saying

"THIS is an ALEMBIC. I didn't bring the Fender; what, you raised in a barn?"

P R I C E L E S S ! ! !

J o e y

(Message edited by bigredbass on September 05, 2003)
palembic
Senior Member
Username: palembic

Post Number: 572
Registered: 9-2002
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 2:58 pm:   Edit Post

Like I answered before brother Paul the fake one: I lost a fortune already reading those penalties!!
Brother Joey, did you received my mail.
Again from here: thanks for helping me in the neck setting almost accomplished!

Paul the bad one
dean_m
Intermediate Member
Username: dean_m

Post Number: 174
Registered: 7-2002
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 7:35 am:   Edit Post

Oh man,

You know how many times I've had to explain the Alembic phenomenon to other band members!?!?!?
HA!!!
dean_m
Intermediate Member
Username: dean_m

Post Number: 175
Registered: 7-2002
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 7:35 am:   Edit Post

Oh man,

You know how many times I've had to explain the Alembic phenomenon to other band members!?!?!?
HA!!!
pastorscott
Junior
Username: pastorscott

Post Number: 11
Registered: 7-2003
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 10:30 am:   Edit Post

I had a musician sarcastically look at my orion and say, "What is THAT?" Is there any fine for untuning his guitar??

alembic76407
Intermediate Member
Username: alembic76407

Post Number: 172
Registered: 5-2002
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 11:22 am:   Edit Post

There is not a fine for untuning his guitar, but there should be a bonus if he can get it back intune, without a tuner!!!!!!

Besides, most guitar players are happy to play Fenders or Gibsons, only bass players and a few guitar players have enough good taste to play the best

just kidding guitar players, nothing personal!!!!
groovelines
Intermediate Member
Username: groovelines

Post Number: 102
Registered: 4-2003
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 11:46 am:   Edit Post

What would be better is tuning it for him, on stage, without the tuner - well worth the cost!
alembic76407
Intermediate Member
Username: alembic76407

Post Number: 173
Registered: 5-2002
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 12:10 pm:   Edit Post

that's priceless !!!!!!!!

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